| | Title: Beautiful Goodbye
Author: Leena/Starless
Rating: G or PG (Same sex relationship implied)
Email: Starless628@aol.com
Web site: Myspace
Disclaimer: They belong to Dicky..unfortunately. I would never torture my characters by giving them killer wings, separating them from their one.true.love, and making them live in the Closet of Doom, just incase they weren’t convincing enough.
The story is based on Amanda Marshall’s Beautiful Goodbye, so the lyrics are not mine.
Beta:
Author’s Note: Everything in italics are lyrics, everything bolded is Olivia, everything that is “regular” is Alex. I made them different to avoid confusion.
Fed up with my destiny
And this place of no return
Think I'll take another day
And slowly watch it burn
It doesn't really matter how the time goes by
Cause I still remember you and I
And that beautiful goodbye
I awoke this morning at six, in a cold room with a cold bed, a constant reminder of your absence. I removed myself from the near perfect sheets and walk in slow motion toward the bathroom. I turn the light on and reach for my tooth brush, subconsciously noticing that even after almost two years, I have yet to throw yours out. It’s just a tiny reminder of you, one of the only things I seem to have left.
When I see you now
I wonder how
I could've watched you walk away
If I let you down
Please forgive me now
For that beautiful goodbye
As I return to my bedroom, out bedroom, I take a moment to look at your picture on my nightstand. It the one Elliot took of us at Cragen’s fourth of July party; just months before you died. I was going to tell you I loved you that might, but I was too nervous. I was afraid you didn’t love me back. I thought I had all the time in the world, but I guess I was wrong.
We staggered through these empty streets
Laughing arm in arm
The night had made a mess of me
Your confession kept me warm
And I don't really miss you, I just need to know
Do you ever think of you and I
And that beautiful goodbye
I move toward the kitchen and start the coffee. I still make enough for the both of us. As I take my mug down from the cabinet, I see your picture on the wall. I’m not supposed to have it, it’s against the rules, but I couldn’t care less. It’s of you and me at the Jersey shore, a mere two weeks before I died. I was going to tell you I loved you then, but when I opened my mouth to tell you, the words got caught in my throat. Then you got a call, and we had to leave, so I never got my chance. I don’t know why I choked, I knew I loved you, I still do. Then I left. I should have told you that night by the river, I could have forgotten Elliot and the Feds and told you how much I cared about you. Instead, I just stood there, frozen.
In these days of no regrets
I keep mine to myself
And all the things we never said
I can say for someone else
Cause nothing lasts forever, but we always try
And I just can't help but wonder why
We let it pass us by
I make my way out the door and into the cold Chicago air. There’s a small amount of snow on the ground, and the sky looks as though more should begin to fall. It reminds me of our first winter together, a year after I joined the unit. We would walk through Central Park together, throwing snowballs and making angels. It was way back then, three years ago, that I realized that I couldn’t live without you. I had two years to tell you how I felt, and I didn’t and I will never regret anything more in my life.
When I see you now
I wonder how
I could've watched you walk away
If I let you down
Please forgive me now
For that beautiful goodbye
After the case involving Barnett, I tried to make you feel better. Between the victim’s suicide and your month long suspension, I figured it to be damn near impossible. We made love for the first time that night. I remember it was snowing and your skin was glowing from the warmth and light from the fireplace. That was the first time that we didn’t just have sex, and it was the first time I felt truly safe in your arms. That night, I realized how much I loved you. Since you left, I haven’t slept soundly, nor do I think I will. I go to work every day knowing that I’m another day closer to seeing you again, knowing that someday, I’ll have more than just pictures of you to confess to. I can feel it in my heart that I’ll get another chance, but for now, I’ll kiss your picture goodnight, hoping that where ever you are, you can hear me.
“I love you, Alex.”
Baby what can I do
Oh, to get through to you
Sometimes I cry, it’s just a fool’s lullaby
Sometimes I cry, it’s just a fool’s lullaby
Oh, Oh I’m dying inside
Yeah
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| | Posted 11/4/2005 10:20 PM - 43 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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